1. Do you dismiss what you don’t understand or refrain from asking for clarity and remain confused? Do you not know how to “read” any conflicting messages you receive, in order to respond appropriately?
2. Do you constantly feel anxious, on edge or on high-alert? Do you suffer from panic attacks and don’t know why?
3. Are you overly focused on what’s going on around you and constantly reacting to your environment?
4. Do you feel threatened or psychologically uneasy around certain people, circumstances or events?
5. Are you constantly being undermined by either a person or by the dynamics within your environment? Even when aware of “who” or “what” is putting you down, do you continue to offer your support in the hope that it will change?
6. Do you find yourself taking on the responsibilities of family, work and social relationships i.e. filling in for what others don’t do? Do you feel “invisible” and undervalued as a result of this?
7. Do you compromise yourself (values, ethics, goals, desires etc) for acceptance from others, whether at work, home or in relationships?
8. Have you had many accidents or unfortunate events take place in your life, such as theft, loss, rejection or altercations with the law and police?
9. Do you find yourself obsessing over food or your weight? Do you succumb to gambling even when you know the potential detrimental financial impact? Or do you obsess or act out sexually with others, even though it could ruin your primary relationship or bring you shame?
10. Do you start arguments with intimate partners when things things get too close or when they’re not intimate enough?
11. Have you been victim to unexpected, unfortunate emotionally traumatic events such as armed robberies, hijackings, home invasions or other situations whereby your psychological safety was under severe threat?
12. Are you often told that it’s not what you say but how you say it? Do people often comment on or refer to your tone, pitch or volume?
13. Do you reject help when it’s offered to you? Do you rather get angry and feel as though someone is implying that you are not coping with a particular situation, or don’t know what you’re doing? Do you thwart the help that you do get?
14. Do you self-medicate with substances (drugs or alcohol) in order to get through and cope with painful experiences, or to resolve a pervasive, persistent feeling of anxiety?
15. Do you find yourself mentally drained or left with low vitality after dealing with certain people, situations or events?
16. Are your intimate relationships boosting or diminishing your self-esteem, confidence and self-worth? Is your relationship serving someone else’s agenda more than your own?
17. Do you keep shameful or humiliating events to yourself so that they remain unexposed? Do you keep them buried so that they do not have power over you or disturb your environment?
18. Are you exposed to angry outbursts from those close to you, breaking intimacy? Or do you yourself feel rage at the injustices and disappointments in your own life? Do you turn this anger, which may not even be consciously acknowledged, towards yourself or others?
19. Upon “acting out” behaviourally on the hidden manipulation of others, do you experience yourself being perceived as in the “wrong” in such a way that others form negative opinions about you? Does the less obvious abuse (verbal, mental, emotional or silent treatment) by your manipulators go unnoticed as a result of this?
20. Are you often betrayed, exploited or deceived in relationships? Do you fail to see the manipulation of others who are themselves self-serving? Do you remain attached to those who have hurt you, regardless of whether they are a part of your life or not? Do you abandon or betray yourself?